What Not to Wear

So--I know I've brought up a bit of a catch phrase here, which probably conjures a few ideas of fashion gurus who put people in front of a mirror and tell them what fits their body and what doesn't.  But I am gonna go a little different direction with this one.  Come with me.

Imagine you are six years-old. Most of us probably don’t remember too much about being six, but think back to the things you loved, activities you were involved in, and what was important to you.

At six years-old, you get the idea in your head that you desperately want to go shopping. Everyone else has the best clothes and they go shopping all the time, but your mom still shops for you.

You beg your mom to take you to the mall. You want to pick out all of your clothes.

Now, in some alternate universe, imagine a crazy scenario where your mom agrees to take you shopping, but only under these conditions. She says, “Okay, honey—You have two options, I can continue to pick out your clothes for at least a little bit longer, or—you and I can go shopping and you can pick out all the clothes that you will wear for the rest of your life. Choose wisely, because if you choose to take this decision in to your own hands today, these will be the only clothes you will ever get.”

The freedom and excitement of this moment is exhilarating. You feel more independence than you have ever known, and as you make your decision, your heart begins to flutter with the thrill. (Granted, this is a lot for any six year-old to grasp, but I can still bet there wouldn’t be many six year-old that would object to such an offer.)

So you set out. You begin your quest through the aisles and racks of clothes, and you feel confident in your abilities. You walk around, through the kid’s department first. You love pink and purple, butterflies, and Hannah Montana. You pick out bright t-shirts, ruffled skirts, lacey dresses, wild-colored hair ribbons, and sparkly shoes. You love what you have found.

Now your mom suggests taking you to the juniors department. She shows you some of the scarves, different fitting jeans, flowing blouses, cool vests. You kind of like these different clothes, but not as much as the clothes already chosen in your basket. You keep looking for more of the bright colors, butterflies and ruffles.

You finally stumble across a section just like the clothes you found in the little girl’s department. You go crazy pulling things off the racks and throwing them in the basket.

Your mom is there with you. She watches as you make your decisions. She gently looks at you in all your excitement and independence and says, “Sweetie, I know these are the clothes you like now, but remember what I said earlier—you will be wearing these clothes for the rest of your life. What about making some different choices?”

You look at your mom, think about what she said, but you just can’t separate what you like now and what you might want for yourself later. You pile on the bright colors, sequins, butterflies, and ruffles.

Now you go to the adult section. There is hardly anything you like. Everything looks boring, too big, and just out-of-touch or outdated. You ask your mom to go back to the other section for you to find more clothes, but she again reminds you, “But look at me, darling. I have already been here. I know it is hard for you to understand, but there will come a day when you very well may wish that you had listened to me here today and chosen clothes that you will be able to wear for the rest of your life. Since you aren’t really prepared to make these decisions right now, why don’t you listen to me on this one? I just don’t want you to look back one day and hate the clothes you are wearing only because you chose them too early.”
You again try to wrap your six-year old mind around your mother’s words, but you look at her—and you love her—but she is wearing black and grey. Her shirts are simpler and her skirts have no ruffles. You think of yourself at her age, and you decide that you will just be different. You may get older, but you will still be able to wear all of the fun things you love now. So you pick out more clothes with Hannah Montana, Zebra print and turquoise sequins and sparkles.

You walk out of the store happy with all of the choices you have made and still confident and excited about your lifetime wardrobe.

Now consider you grown-up. This same little girl, but now sixteen. You are in high school, and you are begging your mom to take you shopping again. You can’t believe the shoes you picked out. You are stuck with the clothes you loved when you were six. You can’t even believe your mom let you choose all the clothes you would ever have at such a young age.

Now, it is so obvious that you were way too young to make such decisions.

But why couldn’t you have just listened to your mom? What in the world made you think that you could have possibly chosen the clothes you would want to wear for the rest of your life? How foolish? How naïve? You wish more than anything in the world that you could go back to that day and make a different decision. And even worse, you look at the rest of your life and realize that you will be carrying the foolishness of your young decisions with you for the rest of your life.

Now let’s get ourselves back out of this scenario. Obviously, it is incredibly far-fetched and silly—but I have always struggled with a way to communicate how unprepared we are in out adolescent years to make certain decisions. It seems demeaning, or like I am not giving enough credit to teens, but I am telling you—I am not too far off from those years, and I can already see how different I am.

We feel so much like we are old enough, wise enough, and mature enough to handle ourselves against these decisions. But we simply aren’t. Anyone past the teen years will agree. As a young, maturing lady—hopefully a young lady desiring to grow in her relationship with her Creator—you are not ready to make certain decisions. Parents, youth ministers, other adults aren’t always right, but I can guarantee you that just waiting it out until you are a little older is NOT the end of the world, even if it may seem that way at the time.

For me, this little story speaks to a number of issues—tattoos, piercings, dating, parties, sexual purity. Anything really.

I am 27—I have two tattoos and more than just two ear piercings. I made these decisions later on, after I could support myself, and I still certainly don’t regret these decisions, but it does not at all bother me that I had to wait until I gained my parent’s consent (about 7-8 years after I had first started wanting tattoos and piercings).

So just wait.

Wait for parties—you won’t miss them later. Wait on the skimpy clothes. God may lead you in a different wardrobe direction someday. Plus, you can still look super-cute modestly. Don’t drink—when our country says you are old enough, you will be better prepared to handle the immense responsibility in a Godly manner. And guard your hearts and your purity—I know maybe one or two relationships that lasted to a marriage from either middle school or high school. As much as you may desire this, or care about someone—the reality is, it more than likely won’t last. So if he isn’t willing to be an active protector and strong advocate for your purity, chances are he isn’t ready to date you either.

And when it is time for you to make your own decision, consider everything again. Don’t just make a decision based on the fact that you finally have the freedom to choose outside of the restrictions.

Remember the life you want for yourself. Remember how important purity is. Remember how God has created us to be with one man. Remember the blessings he promises us in our discipline.

And then know—purity is something that you will constantly have to re-evaluate. You will forever have to pursue a relationship with God and the righteousness and discipline it will require to remain pure. Purity is NOT JUST not having sex. It is an entire lifestyle. It is a relationship with God. It is a heart set on His desires.

And it is incredibly easy to stray from.

If purity is something you choose today, it will be a decision you make a 1,000 times over before you ever stand at an alter ready to fully give yourself to a man.

Just deciding today that you want to remain a virgin will never be enough. You have to create firm boundaries, constantly re-evaluate the real reasons why you have chosen purity, you have to realize there are times that your heart will make purity seem like something of little significance, and you have to stand on the decision you made with God that you will pursue with all of your being a lifestyle of purity and righteousness.

Purity is kind of like those clothes. One day you will wake up with all the decisions you made. You will have to live with those for the rest of your life.

Luckily, we serve a God full of grace. In our story, the little girl was stuck with the clothes she chose at six for the rest of her life. But I do think God offers us an opportunity to “go shopping again.” If we recognize that what we chose was not what we want to wear or who we want to be, and we go to him with repentant hearts, I think His grace offers us ways to come into a new set of clothes.

Thanks for stopping by, and never hesitate to let me know how you are doing or what you are thinking.

I love hearing from you.

Blessings,

Brittney Nicole

Hello, there!

Hello, there!  I am Brittney.

I thought I should perhaps introduce myself considering this will be my first entry on this space.

I should probably start out letting you know why I am here. 

For as far back as I can remember, I have had a pretty interesting relationship with God.  He has always been a pretty huge part of my life.  I feel very blessed, but I realize this isn't  the case for a lot of girls.

Growing up, I read just about every Christian Relationship/Purity novel I could get my hands on.  I loved the pictures painted in my head and fantasies envisioned in my mind of what a Godly relationship could look like.

So much of my spiritual walk was geared in a direction of what kind of partner I would be for someone some day. 

I am not trying to say that there is anything so wrong with that--in fact, I think it kept me focused and more resolute in my decisions at a time that I may not have had the spiritual substance between God and myself only to sustain my choices. 

Nonetheless, I am twenty-seven years-old now--not married, but still committed to many of the same ideas that I developed in my early years.  Of course these ideas of purity and love have grown and changed to some extent, but the greatest shift in my thinking happened when I took on the idea of not only somday finding Godliness in a romantic relationship, but instead--romancing God.

I look around the world today and I see a broken generation in much need of healing.  I see young girls being exposed to a world that does not offer them all that they could have.

The idea of love has been cheapend.  The essence of what it is to be a woman has lost its beauty and desire.  Our world now looks at a woman of God, or a young lady on this path to be boring, unoriginal, out-of-touch and prudish.

Why would Godliness even be something we would want to pursue?

Well, I am convinced it is way better.

I believe God intended us to be strong, pure, passionate creatures.  Lovers of His gifts--exciting, engaging, sexy (YES, I said "sexy"), deep, and Good.

I began a book a while back to explore some of these ideas, and although it will be something I continue to work on over the years, the boom of the blog world and accessibilty of this forum seems to be fitting for the content I hope to work through. 

I hope this site is a place for young people to come looking for encouragement in their walk--with (hopefully) Godly advice, useful tools to think things through and make positive choices, and forums to discuss what is really happening in their lives.  Nothing is off limits here. (Although, perhaps there could be some things better if sent directly to me.  but I think you can use your judgement.)

I hope this is a sight for young people that perhaps have some different ideas or experiences.  I hope they can come here safely and be exposed to the incredible image God has for us.

I also hope this site evolves into a resource for adults working with our young ladies.  Strong mentors are so desperately needed.  I cannot stress enough the impact of an outside adult's care can have in those formative years.

Sometime we just need some hard lines drawn.  A relationship is all about "figuring it out," and "working through things," so as much as it is important that our decisions as young ladies are our own, it is important that we have all the "facts" to make our decision.

I have not clue how this will develop, but I am excited to see how I can learn in this process. 

Thanks for visiting.

Brittney Nicole

P.S.  And I added this painting.  Just because I like it.  "Heart of Gold" by Gary Rowell.  Kind of beautiful, eh?

P.P.S.  [Passion. Purity. Strength.]  I just wanted to do that.